There is nothing in Gran Canaria except resorts
Nothing, zip, nada, it's all one big tourist ghetto
Made of cement and old bottles of sunscreen held together with mankini straps
All the palm trees are plastic
And because it never, ever rains
It's so hot and dry that there are no flowers
And because nobody lives here, the only food comes in packages
And we don't mean this kind of package
There are, of course, no local towns or villages
And therefore, no local fiestas or culture
There is definitely nothing to see in Gran Canaria
No mountains, no forests, no landscapes. You might find a rock to sit on, but only if you're lucky
So, just in case you're still thinking of visiting Gran Canaria
The beaches are always packed
The resorts are dated and crowded
Even the weather isn't what it's cracked up to be
Only 320 days of sunshine each year and average temps barely above 20ºC? Pfff!
It's not good enough, especially when the palm trees get shade all over the beach
And somebody put boats on the sand instead of loungers
Ridiculous
Nothing to see here
No no no!
Coffee comes in jars
The sea is behind you. Get in it!
